Eartha, Thank You.
For you have helped create the woman I am today.
The complexities of life will have you questioning your choices and your “whys”, especially when your youth is filled with “either or” approaches instead of fostering curiosity and adventure. Thinking outside of the path set for me led to punishment and disregard. Curiosity that wasn’t beneficial to the adults in my life was seen as a disruption to their normality. Wanting more out of life and familiar relationships was seen as burdensome. As a response, I chose to swallow my curiosity down, even though it made my throat burn.
My adult years have opened my eyes; experiencing other adults outside of my family has taught me that people see curiosity as an attack on a life they had learned to settle for. As I reflected on my childhood, I began to understand why my choice to continue being curious, even as a child fresh on this earth, made me a target. Being a “smart ass” led me to look for answers on life outside of the home I was born into. This pursuit gratefully led me down a rabbit hole on Black women and the lives they have created for themselves.
One thing that has been on my mind constantly is the pursuit of pleasure in life. Honestly, I spent a lot of time trying to understand how to approach this journey. One woman that single handily helped me with my relationship with a pleasurable existence despite a tumultuous early life(unfortunately, we have this in common) is Eartha Mae Kitt. The sex kitten herself lived a life of true pleasure without compromise. Of course, this came about because of her early childhood of abandonment and feeling like a burden to the adults in her family.
Although she went through these experiences as a child, she found a way to want more for herself and out of life. My own experience with this has been hard. I understand that I want more, but I often get in the way of myself. During one of my reflective periods, I stumbled upon a GIF of her documentary, All By Myself, and the rabbit hole I went down about her answered so many questions I had yet to vocalize.
I watched her documentary, All By Myself, where she discussed loneliness and love. Eartha learned to accept her loneliness without assigning negative stipulations to the emotion. Her feeling of loneliness didn’t stop her life from being full and extraordinary. She made peace with doing life alone because she chose to be the love of her life. The warmth that resides in her kept her from feeling inadequate and deserving of less. Watching this made me question and come to terms with the beliefs I held. Even though I understood the need for self-love, I always found myself trying to offshore that craving of love. This did stem from my childhood of emotional neglect and the knight-in-shining-armor fairytale I grew up wishing for. I realized that I had been hypocritical when it came to self-love and fostering a fulfilling existence. Calling myself a sovereign woman is one thing; actually living life as one is another.
Eartha was truly a pioneer of the sovereign woman. She prioritized building a self-fulfilling life and was steadfast in keeping to her morals. Many Black women have been negatively impacted by society’s response to their thoughts of equity for all. Eartha was treated with disregard after stating her own. She had spoken out against the Vietnam War and how it negatively affected the youth. Unfortunately, this resulted in her being blacklisted in the United States for a period of time as well as fleeing the country because of the backlash. This situation reminds me of how many Black people have had to flee this country because the people in power were offended by their stances.
One thing that really stood out to me and rewired my brain was her acceptance of being the love of her life. I didn’t know that this approach was possible. It’s also made me realize that I wasn’t in love with myself because I didn’t prioritize the lifestyle I wanted. My old ways of living provide a comfort that will soon cease to exist, and that’s scary to come to terms with. To actively choose yourself regardless of what the world thinks doesn’t take grit; it takes a deep sense of self-acceptance that can’t be chipped away at. I learned that self-love doesn’t mean much without creating an inner world that you can always come back to.
Lastly, I must touch on how Eartha was a master manifester. During her last ever interview, she touched on how she created such a wonderful life out of the lemons she was given as a child. “Do what you love, and everything will turn out fine”. Living can be so simple and fulfilling when you decide to do for you and not for perceptions. Even in the face of disregard, Eartha did not buckle. She kept on living the life she wanted. Deciding to live for myself is the first step, but harnessing the inner power needed has been an even harder journey than expected. As I continue my journey of womanhood, I will strive to be just as sovereign as Eartha Mae Kitt.
Thank You Eartha
-Ray’nee
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