I grew up wanting to be saved from reality and often immersing myself in fictional worlds to bid time until I was saved. The most devastating part about this is as I got older, I slowly realized that no one was coming to save me. Instead of finding power in that realization, I let it swallow me. I even developed a very intense maladaptive daydreaming habit because it was the only way I could gain control of my reality by creating one in my head.
A few months ago, the soundtrack of the first Cheetah Girls was made available for streaming. Of course, I listened to the entire soundtrack and felt waves of nostalgia. Cinderella is one of the main songs on repeat.
Listening to this song as a 26-year-old with more of an understanding that no one was coming to save me made me emotional. Not in a way that I pitty myself but in a way that filled me with hope.
Honestly, it held a mirror to me, and I realized that I was still waiting to be saved. Still waiting to be whisked away from all my sorrows and pain. This most likely has to do with my being the eldest parentified daughter. I'm way more inclined to save others instead of saving myself.
I don't want to be like Cinderella.
I am trying to save myself after years of hopelessness disguised as big sister responsibilities. The first act of this has to be something that brings me back to reality, like eating sour straws (blue raspberry flavored, to be exact) or knitting.
This song awakened something in me from the past. Before I was made to humble myself, I had a fire to be the best of the best. I realized that revisiting the things I immersed myself in as a child can also teach me things as an adult.
I am my knight in shining armor.
It has been a long journey, finding my will to save myself. I understand now that it doesn't have to be grand and a large theatric act. It's just me finding out who I am without the implications of the role society has placed me in.
I can slay my own dragons.
I believed this when I was eight years old, and now I believe it again at 26.
— Ray’nee
So true! I’m in my 30s and came to this realization too. It’s very scary but freeing. Thanks for sharing!